And here comes the ‘I am so sad’ post again. I am bored all the time. And it’s not like “bore” bore. It is something deeper. I get bored while watching a movie, I get bored eating, and I get bored shopping (see?).
My dad says it happens when you don’t get what you expect. And he is bang on target, as always. I know what I want. I need a change, a desperate one. I need a background change, you know the way you change wallpaper. I wish it was that simple.
To get what I want I need to change the job, the city, everything. And frankly I am afraid to do that. I have been living in this city for years, actually all my life. And I am afraid of change. And if I decide to change cities it is going to be a major one.
I was anyways having 2 minds about it when I went to this resort, where they had a fortune teller as a side feature. I just went to him for curiosity sake. And he says to me, ‘you are thinking of making a major change in your life’. I asked him if it would be good or bad. And he says,’ All I cans say is don’t take any rash decisions’. Now I wish he knew how indecisive I am. I fully blame my sun sign for it. I am a Libran after all. My scales keep on tilting one way or the other. He made it even more difficult for me.
But then I was going through my “time pass” folders and I found something I had copied in a notepad long ago from some blog.
“I don’t miss being single, and I completely understand how it feels to still be looking. And the only bit of advice I can offer is, try to see your life as an adventure. Imagine that you’ll be married in less than a year. What do you want for you right now, knowing that soon your life will never be the same? Will you ever have the chance to travel alone? I know it sounds scary or lonesome, but really, you live this life only once. Why wouldn’t you dare to do something that scares you a little? What is it that you think you might miss about your life right now, as it is? Do more of it. Because chances are, that’s exactly what will happen. I’m not sure it’s ever exactly as we planned.”
This has given me enough courage to do what I want to. It was like a final stamp that says “now I am sure”
I wrote the above in the morning. After lunch I spoke to my manager. She said she doesn’t have any problems; in fact they encourage transfers within the company. But she said I need to talk to my vertical manager for my release from the project. Until then she cannot release me. So I will speak to my vert. manager on Monday. Let’s see what he has to say. But I am hopeful. He can’t tie me to the chair right? I can also subtly hint that if I don’t get the release my only option will be to resign.
See I have it all figured out. So by April end most probably I’ll be in Bangalore. Fingers crossed. I can already feel the sadness lifting…
Hey that sounds great! The change of scene will be great, I would imagine. All the best with it!
I know CM.
Being as indecisive as I am I had a hard time talking a decision. But now that I have spoken to my manager there is no backing out.
I guess instead of cribbing, I have decided to do something about it.
I cant wait and April is soooo far…
April will soon come around…! I guess you’ll have a bit to prepare for the move anyway…? How far away is Bangalore?
Pretty far. I think around 16 hours by train, 1 1/2 hour by flight…
I know what you mean about change, it’s scary and means taking risks but it also means new opportunities, new challenges, new men to try out, a new home to decorate, new places to tell us all about (yippee), lots of new colourful places for photography, in fact a whole heap of possibilities to choose from.
Go for it Violet. I got my fingers crossed too.
Hey, maybe you’ll end up working here?
Yeah…working in I-Flex huh? Could be.
Or by default I would be working here and here which aint too bad either…
Thanks Bunny 🙂
hey there sketches..thanks for the comments.and great to see u too ..i have been away for a while..infact still in my hiatus till iget my life in gear..i see that the winds of change are sweeping through your life as well…i myself have taken a chance and risked a bit and shall find out in a few months if its been worth it…so indecisive is me too at this moment..
All i can offer is this …I know its really scary and extremely hard to be strong n motivated and hopefully the divine being can help both of us to find it somehow..for I know that I need to desperately….hmmm somehow this was meant to be positive and ended up being drab.. i do apologise..:-) hehe something about problem shared etc hehe..well all the best and am sure things will work out…bangalore is a crazy place..bet you are used to the city life anyway so shouldnt be a problem…
That seems to be a nice change.
But, let me also add that don’t go to bangalore looking for a change, or don’t go there thinking it’ll get some happiness in your life. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Try instead to expand your friend circle, start dating 😉 .. join hobby/trekking groups. I figure that you can do away with most of the boredom by just good company! 🙂
And yes, bangalore IS a drab. I have stayed there for some time, and i hated that place! I figure you currently stay with your family. It is a great support system, mind you. There, you’ll be all alone. Of course, that can be a great experience too, but think about it because you have no pressing reason to go for this. What does your family have to say about it?
Hope you come of the hiatus soon.
All the best for you future. Everything will fall into place for both of us 🙂
I’ll tell you what. I have a big friend circle. I have enough hobbies to keep me busy. I have my kathak classes, I have the bookstores, and I have my guitar too.
But I am not exactly looking for happiness. I am happy in a broad sense. I am looking for a change. I want to be independent. I know what I have and what I will miss. But that’s exactly what I want to see.
Whether I’ll be able face the challenges of staying alone without any support.
I know I’ll get tired and bored of it soon, but I don’t want to regret I never tried. So people must be ready for some major cribbing when I finally get to Bangalore 😉
And yes, i have been to Bangalore too, dont care for it much. But it is the next best option for me and I have a few friends there too 🙂
Herbert Spencer once faced a similar problem, whether to move to a new place or stay put. However, he had a meticulously thought out plan, to help him decide. Drafting a list of pros and cons for his options, he then gave a numerical weightage to each point, in order to tally the score and decide. The option to move clearly won, however, he then tore up the paper and decided to do what he felt like doing.
He stayed back.
I hope I didn’t confuse you, but believe it or not, I am actually trying to help 😀
I’m a Libra too; yes, it’s awfully hard to make a move with those weighing scales swinging back and forth as they do.
One of my favorite quotes is this one, said by Eleanor Roosevelt whose life led her to unpredictable areas of adventure and service:
“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
Good luck with your adventure.
You haven’t confused me HS: I think I know what you mean…
Thanks Elsie 🙂